Sometimes I ask myself, "Will I ever really know what love means?" Love is such a dynamic, shifty, changing word. It has such different meanings in different context, differences vary between people. A year ago I stopped caring about Love's meaning. It seemed too unsearchable, too lofty, too distant and too unattainable to grasp.
I always have loved looking back at old photographs and asking, "What was I thinking about at that time in my life? Who was that person then?" I was looking back at some of my postings on this blog again today and it was kind of like that. I saw an image of the person that I was this past year. It made me sad, humbled, and encouraged. He started all over again, right from the ground up. Things weren't making sense to him. He had thought he had done everything right, and yet, things still didn't work the way that he wanted them too. Frustrated, hurting, lost, he typed out his brokenness on a keyboard hoping that maybe someone would understand. He didn't have any idea what love means, nor did he care. He was more concerned about making it through weary days. Days that seemed endless and long and sometimes too much to bear.
A year passes and something about a year makes things change. Problems that were come into perspective. You regain that balance that was lost.
I guess what I am trying to say is that this past month I remembered what it was like to love again. It feels good to fall in love with life. There is an intricisy in love. It lifts you high, drops you on your head, picks you back up and dusts you off, just so that you can do it all over again. There's something beautiful about genuine love. Not that kind that movies make or that is idealized by our culture, but the real kind that hurts and heals and makes us stronger and more joyful in the end. One can never regret pain if it ends in love.
I renamed this blog in an effort to recapture my love for writing and refocus the purpose of this site. I used two metaphors that are often used in Biblical Prophetic imagery.
The first, "Honey" is often shown to represent the sweetness of love expressed specifically through truth:
Ezekiel 3:3 (English Standard Version)
3And he said to me, "Son of man, feed your belly with this scroll that I give you and fill your stomach with it."(A) Then I ate it, and it was in my mouth(B) as sweet as honey.
The second, "Ashes" represents the oftentimes painfull, crushing, and desperate aspects of a life of spirituality. Again expressed through Ezekiel:
Ezekiel 27:30
30 and shout aloud over you
and cry out bitterly.
They cast dust on their heads
and wallow in ashes;
These two aspects of love seem to forever be intertwined in this filthilly beautiful home on Earth. May we seek these aspects together through both the practical and metaphorical.
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